No Hunny, I have not lost my spark

...perhaps you're just jealous because your libido has hit rock bottom and that little baby carrot dangling between your legs just isnt...uh..getting it anymore.

No, I am not a conceited bitch who enjoys putting her boyfriend in the doghouse (although he looks so damned cute all curled up and shivering in there) I am simply a 20 year old - sex guru of sorts- at least so I've been told, attempting to share my experiences and advice to those who need it. Of course also to vent and bitch about my own personal experiences.

But I don't lack- I am a sex goddess, plain and simple, K, thanks. (Again, I swear I am really not this conceited. Okay. Maybe just a little)

Now that you know I am a bitch, hehe, perhaps I should share something other than assholish wit =)

I am a writer. Duh. I am working on a book (yes I know isn't that exciting! so are like 5 gazillion other people!) My eggo is also preggo- quite preggo to be exact about 25 weeks and counting. I am naming her Cricket (yes, fuck you.) My boyfriend is a 24 year old trafficking manager for a trucking company. Wait..trafficking coordinator...or administrator...? What the fuck ever, basically they don't want to throw manager behind his title because then they'd have to pay him more. (Fuck this economy.)

I have this reputation for being slightly um...arrogant and much of a sarcastic asshole- although there are tons more sarcastic assholes far worse than myself *runs off to get Robert from the doghouse*. Really I love him- it's just so damn easy- much like me. (What you don't think someone just handed me all this sex experience do you?)

I work in Wal-mart as a Cosmetics and Health and Beauty Associate (disregard the fancy title. I Help 13 year old pick out tampons and forty something's decide which douche will work best for them- not to mention deal with the retarded bastards that think they can basically open makeup and apply it like were a fucking free make-over service.

Me: ‘Um, excuse me mam, are going to buy that?"

60 year old having a lipstick identity crisis: "No, just trying it out."

Me: Well since you've already smeared three of them on your liver spots while testing them, I assumed you'd be polite and buy it. (Because um who the hell wants to buy something someone has used on their lips and tested on a wrinkled arm covered with old liver spots. Sure in fuck not me!)

Mrs. Crumplebottom Liver Spots: "Ugh!"

Me Politely: "It's 7.95 plus tax, don't forget to pay before you leave."